saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
