and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
