I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
