Having a random hookup so left but love u
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
