lets start a swedish sibling band together
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
not ubering you a puppy
He shit in the fireplace
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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