My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
