so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
