then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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