I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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