I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
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