Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
