omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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