woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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