just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
this boner is exhausting
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
