Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
