Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
