Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
