Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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