so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
