I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
