We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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