I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
