I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
