I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
