Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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