pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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