at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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