Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize