yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
