Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
