I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Randomize
