her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Houston, we have a squirter
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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