i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
