There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
