I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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