look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize