I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
