Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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