I'm going to jail i love you
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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