i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
