my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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