Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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