I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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