hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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