What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
