The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
