OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
