I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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