Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
