There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
