It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
