I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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