I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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