I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
