haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
