I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
