Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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