The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize