remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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