You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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