I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
