Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You're a waste of cheezeits
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
