Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
