I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
