Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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