If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize