He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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