it was like eating out sand paper
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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