Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You've changed since you got that strap on
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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