No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize