So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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