My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
