I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
