Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize