i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
